The key to a successful marriage (by one who knows all about it)

I am coming up on my 35th anniversary. WE are, I should say. Me and my husband of course.  It is a joint venture.

35 years is no small feat in this day and age. I read somewhere that the average life span for marriages in Iceland is 10,1 year.
Can that be?
Then how did we manage to outlast all those quitters?
Were did we go right?

bildeWere we just that much more in love with each other from the outset? – Hardly.
Are we above average in tune with each other? – I dare you to find a more mismatched couple! Seriously!
Has our marriage been one long walk in the park without any turbulence whatsoever? – Take a wild guess!
Are we just too  stubborne to throw in the towel no matter what? –  Maybe we are, at that…

And then again, maybe it is simply due to airfare.  In the early days of our marriage I sometimes envied the young wives in television sit-coms who simply slammed the door and ran away screaming: Goodbye!! I am moving home to mother!!! See you again  –  never!

I could do the slamming and running, but had to restrict myself to: Goodbye!! I would move home to mother if the airfares weren´t so astronomical!! See you again  – soon!
Doesn´t have the same ring to it, does it?

We do sometimes get the question. What is your secret?
Even  our four children who know us better than anyone at times look at each other, shaking their heads in unison, voicing their thoughts: how can the two of you, being so completely different, still stick to it?

Do you go everywhere together? – No
Do you spend a lot of time together? – No, not really.
You spend regular quality time together then? – What´s that?
You share everything? – Why would we do that?
You tell eachother everything? – Are you nuts?
Sex life is great? – None of your damned business!
You give each other romantic gifts and surprises –  It has been known to happen …

To tell you the truth we are not very good at sticking to the happy-couple-checklist.

What we are good at is making  up a strong team.

I am strong on defence. Definitely strong on defence. Unshakeable to the core. Firm, staunch, resolute, secure, constant, steadfast, unwavering. Not easily thrown off balance. Standing my ground, trustworthy, reliant, holding the fort.  Trusting my own strength, on the alert. Spotting threats.  Definitely a master of defence.

On the offense I am a dork. When it comes to original and creative problem solving, spotting opportunities, looking for openings, taking risks I am a non-starter. Luckily I am married to a great offensive player. Counting on his back being guarded by  unsurpassable defence he feels free to go on offensive strikes.

We dont´often play on the same half of the pitch. We do not meet up for long periodes of time.

Sounds boring? Well, not necessarily. More like the key to success.

When questioned about the secret to a successful and lasting marriage, we exchange glances equally overwhelmed by the unending patience, leeway, respect, consideration, goodwill and good humor that still dominate our relationship.

Is that what they call love?
You tell me.
I never claimed to know anything about THAT!

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